When Life Interferes

Hard to exercise when feeling sick and feverish, but I'm trying out the "a little bit can't hurt" idea, just so that I don't go more than a day or two without doing anything.  I have to keep reminding myself that stretches, pilates, walks, are all okay and at least something if I'm not feeling up to doing anything rigorous.  I'm just so afraid, now, that I'll let myself go and then have a hard time coming back.  I know it doesn't take long--I'm just not sure how long is long once I start to get a little toned, as I am now.

One good thing is I'm in a new weight "bracket" and plan to stay there.  Sure, I'd like to go down to the next one, but I am going to be stringent about not letting even two pounds creep up which would get that "other" number back in the second position.  Hell no, I won't go.  There.  ;)

I know it's not about the number, but the number does matter.  A certain number and above means, at my height and body type, that I'm plain ol' carrying too much weight--not a good thing for my arthritic joints, my energy, my mood, how I feel about myself.  I look in the mirror and recognize a sculpted face I haven't seen in awhile.  I feel my legs and think, "they're mine?" because mine have not felt so firm in a very long time.  My arms, when I raise them to blow dry or brush my hair, look pretty nice--still a ways to go, but they are puffy looking or baggy. 

I think it's going to take losing weight and then keeping it off for a number of months before I really see what my body settles into.  I'm not thrilled with how my legs looks, or my elbows--is it loose skin from losing weight or from aging?  How much can I tone?  How much just is me now?  I'm somewhat patient, but also a bit insecure; I'm worried that no matter how much I lose, I'll still be disappointed (even a bit) in how I look.  I worry that I'll just stop this process and I'll gain it all back.  I may, after a few more pounds, take my weight loss "public" ala Facebook.  It might be a way to feel compelled to keep it off.  That, I'll have to think about . . . .

For now, my goal is to stay comfortably in this weight bracket and lose three more pounds by the end of the year.  I've scaled things back considerably, and if I lose more, that would be great.  But I see how my weight loss is slowing and that I just can't exercise at the same pace I did this summer.  The question for the next blog--how does one know the difference between being realistic and compromising or giving in?