December Second Half

It really can't be the second half of December already.  I had so much I wanted to do and now the boys will be here at the end of the week and it will be Christmas.  Yikes!

Given my weight fluctuation, I should be exercising ALL THE TIME.  Alas, I am not, but I'm trying to get back on the exercise wagon.  This last week is a bit of an unknown (see first half of December post!).  And so:
Friday (12/16):  strength training 1 hr;
Saturday: putting up tree and decorations--all day!;
Sunday:  40 minutes balance ball, upper and lower body;
Monday:  55 min cardio/whole body conditioning (2nd time I've felt my lower back hurt after this video; will put aside indefinitely and see if symptoms come back);
Tuesday:  Overall strength/cardio 1 hr.
Wednesday:  55 min brisk walk Sharon Woods (55 degrees or more!--it's December!)
Thursday:  30 minute strength training
Friday:  30 min strength training; 30 min meditation/relaxation
Saturday (24th--Xmas Eve):  Beautiful sunny day & cold (39); 45 minute brisk hilly walk.
(So far, have averaged 42 min exercise/day, not counting the busy day decorating--not bad!!)
Sunday (Xmas, lots of indulgence, lots of very nice company with the boys here)--1/2 hr brisk hilly walk.
Monday:  45 min walk/run; stretching.  Nice, sunny day, about 40 degrees.
Tuesday:  30 min yoga; 30 min pilates
Wednesday:  Strength training 1 hr.   Weight still up a few pounds, but feeling strong.  Will watch calories this next week to try to start Winter Quarter at the earlier, lower weight and lose from there over the next ten weeks.
Thursday:  5 walk/15 run/2 walk/10 run/ 3 walk/5 stretch = 40 min.  Breezy, cool, nice, sunny, nice.  Can't believe the running felt so smooth.  Could barely run on Monday; today 25 min was almost easy!
Friday:  deliberately took the day off; legs were hurting quite a bit so thought I could take a 1 day break (exercised for 12 days in a row)
Saturday:  30 min yoga.  New Year as of tomorrow.  New post, new month, new year, new plans!


NOTE:  I WILL put down exercise for every day from now until Xmas Day and then again for every day after.  I will, I will, I will!!!

p.s.  It is a bit daunting when I say "I will, I will, I will" and then not do it.  It helps; Q:  What else can I be strict about to get things accomplished?

Confession

I haven't maintained the entire weight loss.  I keep fluctuating, depending on the day, within a 2 lb. margin.  So while I had been down 17 pounds, I'm now down 15.  I'm not too worried about it as I keep my eye very closely on my scale, but I want to be down another 5 by Christmas if possible, New Years the latest, so I'm firmly within the next weight "decade" as I think of them (the 140's, 150's, 160's, etc.).  Right now, I'm on the brink of a decade (I've been coy about saying which, or how much I weigh.  I still can't quite get over that.)

And so.  Reassess.  Realign.  Recommit. Onwards.

More exercise.  Less refined foods.  Less sugar.  More cholesterol-lowering foods.  Yes.  I can do it.

December--beginning

I sit here at 8 p.m. on a Wednesday, quite alert and feeling rather good, having gone to my yoga class today.  I am so grateful for Lilias and her responsiveness to concerns; I am hoping that more attention to yoga and my back will help me regain more strength in my lower back and avoid injuries like the one that side-lined me and is still an issue, though much less so right now.  Prevention.  How important is that?

So the question is what do I do to keep the weight down, the back pains at bay, and stay fit and keep getting more fit.  Maybe it's two yoga classes a week.  I may need to do more regularly scheduled things that I can't skip very easily.  Lilias did tell me that stretching forward from a seated position is not something I should do right now, and I'm planning on following her advice, but that might eliminate some of the exercises I presently do.  Will have to watch for the problematic exercises.

But here's my plan for the next ten days, so I have something to fall back on if I don't do well on a day-to-day mode; a little yoga and non-impact heavy--Dec 1-10:
Th (1st):  30 minutes of something! (Long day tomorrow; may not be back until mid-evening)
Fri:  No exercise today!
Sat:  Walk at CNC--1 hr.
Sun: active day out and with dad
Mon: work day
Tu:Balance ball--40 min
Wed:  Yoga 75 min
Th:  Yoga 75 min evening class
Fri: worked today
Sat (10th): 50 minute very brisk walk in the COLD
TO DO:
Sun (11th): Strength Training
Mon (12th): Walk/run
Tu (13th):  Balance Ball

Late November Exercise

The Plan--to get back to balance (and regularity) in my exercise routine
done:
Nov 23:  35 minute walk/run; 30 minute pilates
Nov 24:  20 minutes pilates
Nov 25: 1 hr walk
Nov 26:  another walk, this time Glenway Gardens--feel the gluts! ~45 min
Nov 27:  nada
Nov 28:  Strength training 1 hr.
Nov 29: Walking and pilates 30 min
Nov 30: Yoga 75 min

Another reason for recommitment:  just found out my cholesterol is high (247; high is over 240), as is my LDL (161; high is 160-189); HDL is good (68--60 and above is optimal), as well as my triglycerides (92--less than 150 is normal)--the good changes in HDL and triglycerides can be due to exercise.  Some ratios are good:  So I need to continue exercise, but also watch my diet and lose 10% of my weight to try to decrease the other numbers.  I need to check back in with my doc in 6 months.   SO:  6 pounds between now and New Years;  10 pounds during winter quarter.  Keep it off during spring and possibly see about losing more if needed.  Check in with doc at end of spring quarter.

Finally, back on caloriecount.com; checking what I'm eating every day.  Only way to know that I'm not eating more than I'm burning--simple math; simply works.

Mid-November Reaffirmation

I have been less than conscientious about posting here lately.  I have been exercising, though admittedly less than before.  Exercising less, then hurt my back, then taking it even easier.  Trying to do at least a fair amount of walking and little 15 minute exercise bits during the day.  It's keeping my weight down (yay!!), and I'm still in relatively decent shape, but I have that last (?) 10 pounds to go that I haven't been able to make a final push to accomplish.  I'm biding my time, reaizing I've got lots on my plate right now. And so, my plan (writing it down for me helps to make it a reality, hence--this blog!):
November 20 (today) - Dec 3 (2 weeks):  exercise each day at least 30 minutes, even if two 15-minute bursts.  Watch food intake, keeping in the MM (moderation mode).  Focus on exercises to help strengthen and improve lower back muscles, avoiding the ones that hurt (rolling like a ball--can't do that right now!)
Dec. 4 - Dec 31 (4 weeks--finals week through end of break):  Back into ramped up exercise mode--at least 1 hr each day and cutting back on food up until the end of December.  RIS BOOT CAMP!!  Try out some new activities (dance class through Cinti Ballet). 
Jan. 1 and for next ten weeks:  work to lose the remainder of the ten pounds that I want to lose in time for spring break.  Make a definite plan by Dec. 31 of exercises, classes, etc. that I will be doing (decide on local gym membership, dance classes, etc.).  Decide once I accomplish this what is left for spring quarter to lose, strengthen, tone, etc. in time for summer.
YES!!  Feel better already just planning this!!
REMINDER TO SELF:  You did it--"it" being getting back on track and losing a combined total of 15 pounds, helping regain "the look" I'm more familiar with--leaner, stronger.  AND keeping it off even after the return to classes.  It didn't magically happen, which I'm surprised I can't fully grasp.  I worked in a dedicated fashion toward achieving this--a goal to help me feel better physically and emotionally, live better, and, hopefully, live healthier for longer.  It was the same me that gained the weight, so I need to keep in mind that I can make a difference in either direction.  Now, I will make a difference in the losing weight and gaining strength and health direction.  I can do it.

November

The stark list of exercise days seems to taunt me with the changes since I began exercising.  It's clear I'm not exercising as much as I should, and I've got to make some important changes so that I do.  What those are will be for this weekend to decide; until then, I'll have a blog listing each week to note the exercise for that week.  Perhaps in some ways I'll be better able to add up what I'm doing and catch myself from slacking into the non-exercise abyss.

So for November so far, only walking to and from the car yesterday, but today (11/2) an hour plus of walking and running.   It felt good--nice day, sunny and just-right cool.  Here's a plan up to the weekend to keep myself on track, depending on the weather:
Wed:  1+ hr walk/run (done)
Th: nada (wasn't the plan, but it was the reality)
Fri: walking around campus
Sat:  walk/run in Sharon Woods (20/30) (run was very nice, no soreness to speak of; gentle run, most relatively level or gradual changes in elevation)
Sun: walk + Pilates video
My knee is not as sore since I laid off running as much; I think I need to start listening to my body more in that regard.  It feels nice not having to baby my left leg because of a swollen and sore knee ;)
Mon: walk in neighborhood + pilates 1/2 hr.
Tu: 40 min walk in neighborhood
Wed: 40 min balance ball
Fri (11/11):  30 min cardio video (hurt my back!)
Sat (11/12): walked around Spring Grove cemetery with a back crying out in pain for 2 hours then lifted a wheelchair in and out of my car.  she asked for trouble.
Sun (11/13):  she rested
Mon (11/14): a funky 15 minute "walk in your house" video.  she walked.

The Eighth Cycle

I'm going to pat myself on the back.  I really don't do this often enough, always blaming myself for what I didn't do.  I am proud that I've managed to keep an exercise regime going for seven cycles of half months.  Beginning in July, I've kept logs of exercise every half month, not counting the two weeks before I kept track where I began my meager movements.  Exercise would tire me out, and I couldn't follow most of the tapes I now move through with, if not total engagement, general skill and the development of muscle and tone.

This begins the eighth cycle.  I will have four more before the end of the year, during which I hope to lose more weight.  I had thought I would lose eight more pounds by the end of the year so that I would hover, if not enter, a new weight "bracket," but I'm not so sure that will happen.  If I can drop into the lower half of this weight bracket, where I now hover at the top of the top half, I will be happy.

My last half was the least amount of exercise per day.  I averaged 33 minutes per day, but only exercised about 9 out of 15 days.  Of course, I was sick, does that count?  Total minutes really dropped from the previous cycle and that was a drop from the cycle before that.  What it means is that I either have to watch better what I eat or increase the amount of exercise in order to continue to lose weight.

This week, I'm going to try to exercise at least half an hour every day.  Since I will exercise some days more than that (as I have today and will tomorrow at yoga), I will increase the average daily rate immediately, thus hopefully increasing the weight loss again.  Between now and Halloween:  2 more pounds so I'm getting toward the mid-range of this weight bracket.  Another 2 next month, another 2 in December.  That's not asking for much!!  And I can do it, YES I CAN!

Less Pain, More Gain?

After hearing friend Lisa bemoan how sore she was after running when she hadn't run for awhile, I found affirmation in my recent spate of aches and pains.  No wonder!  When I'm not exercising regularly, the exercise I do is more painful and makes me think negatively of exercise; when I'm exercising almost daily, I'm feeling relatively good, not a lot of aches and pains, and that makes continuing to exercise something that isn't a painful enterprise.  The problem is, it's a time-consuming enterprise, so if that is what causes the exercise to stop, or be limited, then the pain starts due to the intermittent exercise. 

I think the lesson here for me is to keep the exercise part of the routine, like brushing my teeth.  It's not like I notice how healthy my teeth are all the time, but I will notice that they're not if I stop brushing my teeth since that's when the cavities will begin. 

Side-note, the gain here is not pounds, but overall gain in feeling good, looking good, dropping weight, etc.  And in a related fashion, perhaps it's less money = more gain.  I tend to spend far too much at Kroger, thinking I'm going to eat all that food, even if it's good food.  Well, I'm not!  I can't eat as much as I used to and I'm not cooking for more than 1, so I have to get used to buying less.  It'll save me money, but also the temptation to eat more so that I "don't waste" what I buy and make.  Trouble is, wasting is the better option if the opposite is that I consume and gain pounds. 

When Life Interferes

Hard to exercise when feeling sick and feverish, but I'm trying out the "a little bit can't hurt" idea, just so that I don't go more than a day or two without doing anything.  I have to keep reminding myself that stretches, pilates, walks, are all okay and at least something if I'm not feeling up to doing anything rigorous.  I'm just so afraid, now, that I'll let myself go and then have a hard time coming back.  I know it doesn't take long--I'm just not sure how long is long once I start to get a little toned, as I am now.

One good thing is I'm in a new weight "bracket" and plan to stay there.  Sure, I'd like to go down to the next one, but I am going to be stringent about not letting even two pounds creep up which would get that "other" number back in the second position.  Hell no, I won't go.  There.  ;)

I know it's not about the number, but the number does matter.  A certain number and above means, at my height and body type, that I'm plain ol' carrying too much weight--not a good thing for my arthritic joints, my energy, my mood, how I feel about myself.  I look in the mirror and recognize a sculpted face I haven't seen in awhile.  I feel my legs and think, "they're mine?" because mine have not felt so firm in a very long time.  My arms, when I raise them to blow dry or brush my hair, look pretty nice--still a ways to go, but they are puffy looking or baggy. 

I think it's going to take losing weight and then keeping it off for a number of months before I really see what my body settles into.  I'm not thrilled with how my legs looks, or my elbows--is it loose skin from losing weight or from aging?  How much can I tone?  How much just is me now?  I'm somewhat patient, but also a bit insecure; I'm worried that no matter how much I lose, I'll still be disappointed (even a bit) in how I look.  I worry that I'll just stop this process and I'll gain it all back.  I may, after a few more pounds, take my weight loss "public" ala Facebook.  It might be a way to feel compelled to keep it off.  That, I'll have to think about . . . .

For now, my goal is to stay comfortably in this weight bracket and lose three more pounds by the end of the year.  I've scaled things back considerably, and if I lose more, that would be great.  But I see how my weight loss is slowing and that I just can't exercise at the same pace I did this summer.  The question for the next blog--how does one know the difference between being realistic and compromising or giving in?  

Another One (Almost) Bites the Dust

Almost at the end of September and another month of exercising.  I haven't been exercising at quite the same level as the first part of the month: First part:  12 days of 45-60+ min exercises, 1 of 30+ min, 1 of vigorous work, 1 nada; Second part:  8 days of 45-60; 2 of 30 min, 1 of vigorous work, 2 of general walking around campus.  I have two days left of this month, so I would like to make those 45-60 min exercises, but one is a class day; that means getting in the habit of coming back home and at least a brisk walk. 

I have to remember that of those longer exercise days earlier this month, at least two were brisk walks with my walking pals.  I can still do that.  I have this feeling that I have to run or do something "more"--I think perspective-wise it would be better if I considered ANY exercise being better than none.  Example:  yesterday I didn't feel like exercising when I got home--used as an excuse my walk to, from, and around campus, and so I didn't do anything.  Unless it's a class day, I also need to shoot for 45-60 min per day. 

Some more stats:  overall time drop on formal exercise--1st half: 791 minutes (not counting housework, even vigorous) vs. 2nd half:  570 minutes so far.  Even if I exercise 75 minutes each the next two days, I'd be almost an hour less, and time in does matter, since I don't think I'm doing demonstrably more difficult or calorie-burning activities.  To put a brighter spin on things, in the final calculation, the first half averaged I averaged 52.7 min of exercise per day; the second half I'm averaging 43 min per day-- a lot more than the 0 min per day I was averaging 6 months ago!!!!)

Pat, pat, pat  (the sound of me, patting myself on the back; I can tell myself to do better, but I should also acknowledge that I'm more fit, more toned, and less weight because of my determination and persistence.  Just need to remember to keep it up!!!!)

Recalibrating

I'm getting the exercise down, but I think I'm also slipping and eating a lot more than I should, especially in the evenings.  Partly that's due to letting myself have a glass of wine.  It's not the wine itself, but the munchies and lack of inhibitions (food-wise) that come with the wine.  Since I don't really want to give up wine entirely, I'm back to calorie counting.  That got me going on my diet and helped keep me honest.  When I was done for the day, I was either done eating and drinking or I would have to exercise more.  Amazing how well that simple equation works.  So I'm back to math. 

Also refiguring how active I should be in more than just the exercise area.  At night, I just sit around.  Perhaps because I am more active at other times during the day, I feel the lack of movement more and feel like a slug.  So I'm taking up art again--standing and painting or drawing or ANYTHING is better than flipping through the channels.  Looking into an art group that would meet once a week.  Perhaps that would help me on two fronts:  being out and busy one night and meeting people.  If I can do more two-fers, all the better. 

On the exercise front, took my bike in to get it fixed.  It will get me further afield than my walking/running.  I may try to bike up to  Yellow Springs and spend the night, maybe take weekend trips with my bike somewhere, see where I can travel at other points along this or another bike trail.

I do love being outside.  I'm sitting right now on the front "porch" of Bruegger Bagels; beautiful temp, blue sky, pretty clouds.  Forcing myself to think of my syllabus . . . . Yes . . . .

A last hurrah for the HHC walking club this summer.  I will miss my gal pals and their encouragement.  I will still see them, but since we won't be walking, that's a bit different.  May try to talk them into some other kinds of activities, like climbing, etc. 

Recalibrating is a good thing.  Keeps things fresh and thoughtful.

Same ol', same ol'

Continuing with the same ol' exercise and watching what I'm eating.  It's good, I think, that it feels like "same ol'" because it signifies that I'm developing useful habits of exercise and diet.  I--and more importantly my knees--are wondering if the same ol' may be creating problems for wear and tear on body parts.  So certain modifications are in order:  yoga one day a week with Lilias Folan; a rhythm and motion class as well; getting the bike ready to roll; and more attention to diet as helpful in keeping calories down.  Hopefully, these will allow different kinds of exercise and I'll start to identify what is problematic.  I'm considering the local gym, but I know I've never had good luck with getting myself over to machines unless I have a trainer waiting for me.  So much of this is knowing what works and doesn't work for me, even if it's great for someone else.  So it is same ol' same ol'--continuing to reflect on who I am, what motivates me, and what's good for me.  A life-long process?

Changing Expectations

I've done better and not as well as I could have hoped, if that makes any sense.  I had lost 5 pounds from Jan to mid-June (approx. 22 weeks), mainly by eating better and with sporadic exercise.  With my exercise plan in place (and food changes), I have now lost an additional 7 pounds in approx. 10 weeks.  So I'm doing better, but I'd hoped to have been further along by now.  Thus, the changing expectations.

My friend Robbin and her husband went on the same diet; in an equal amount of time, he'd lost all the weight he'd wanted to and she hadn't lost nearly as much.  Vive la difference between men and women of a certain age, especially (i.e., my age).  I can't seem to break the 3/4 of a pound a week average, so I'm going to embrace it.  I hope to lose 3 pounds in the next four + weeks, then shoot for 5 pounds each in the next two ten-week segments.  That would mean that by spring break of next year (!!) I'll be at the weight I'd hoped to be at by the start of classes.  Yikes. 

Even as I write that, I wonder if it means I've "given up" or if that's just facing reality.  I will definitely try to eat even better, watch my slumps more closely, and try to find new ways to exercise to keep up the momentum.  But school does mean more sedentary time, less time outside with changing weather, and holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas--foodie holidays that I'm just not ignoring.  I know I'll enjoy the bounty, so to speak, and while I'll try to be wise, this isn't the time to expect even more drastic weight loss.

While I have the "wait till spring" attitude usefully in place to avoid disappointment, I'll also be pleasantly surprised (and, in some way, inspired to do more) if I can meet my goal earlier.

At least I lost a pound on vacation!!  ;)

Stamina

So the scale shows no iota of movement given my treks across OR and WA.  I'm not surprised, since I didn't feel like I'd lost weight (and I know the last few days were not the best in terms of what I was eating), but I'm also a bit disappointed.  I'm also facing the back-in-Cinti-and-my-old-routine-blues.  It's Cinti, but it's also the same ol', same ol' that has me feeling a bit tired of it all.  I've got to get my head into the isn't-this-exciting-and-good to be back to the old routine kind of feeling.  Bleh. 

I also have to acknowledge that the scale is not everything.  That the fact that I didn't lose the entire amount of pounds that I wanted to isn't bad, it's just what they call A START.  I have months ahead of me to lose the weight it took months to gain, but . . .

. . . I realize I have a lot of other ideas piled on the weight loss idea:  if I lose weight, I will look great, do great, attract great people (read: men), and so on.  My life will magically change.  I know that's not true, but I also think that there are more things than just my weight that I'm hoping to change and that these other things need to be approached directly so that not so much is tied up with a number on a scale. 

My work is only starting . . . .

Last Three Days

If I've gained weight, it's the habit I've fallen into of having a microbrew (gosh, those NW beers are good!) while awaiting my dinner, and then having a glass of wine with or after dinner. Yikes!!

But I have tried to eat relatively smartly. Of course, there was the dinner when I asked for fries and got a pizza pan full--literally. Luckily, I was able to share some with dinner mates (who probably thought I was a bit looney).

Day before yesterday, a drive up to Mt. Constitution with drop-dead gorgeous views of the San Juan and gulf islands. A "little" walk of 2.3 miles each way ended up taking an hour each direction, with multiple switch-backs and elevation changes from the top of the mountain to another summit facing a different direction. The walk was worth it, though at times I wondered if I could literally climb back up on anything less than all fours. Cliff walks, an "enchanted" forest (almost no sound, moss on everything, pine needled paths, and deer who cleverly posed for pictures; I almost expected prince charming to assist me thither), and sunlit views that stunned after the deep woods. I walked and jogged the paths, trying to make up for time lsot on the uphill sections by carefully running the downhill or flat sections. Fanny packs with water bottles are a pain when jogging, btw.

Yesterday, a three-hour tour with the professor and Cookie, father and son, married couple, and boyfriend/girlfriend. Unlike the crew from Gilligan's Island, we kayakers returned safely; no Orcas spotted, but lots of curious and playful seals (BIG guys), some cormorants, kelp, etc. I'm glad I opted for 3 instead of 6 hours; Strangely, my arms were less sore than my legs. Sitting in the kayak was not the most comfortable for some reason and my leg was screaming in pain by the time I got out. I avoided the jelly fish, but soaked my gym shoes as I leapt out the of the boat for joy at getting back to shore. For the most part, it was pleasant, great views, and lovely weather.

Today, a 40 minute run/walk (20/20) around the hotel--a nicely landscaped business park and condominium development; a reminder that running is not so difficult when the road is flat and the weather cool and dry. I don't even sweat all that much!!

It will be interesting to see what awaits on the scale. I have a feeling I will break even; there was too much food and drink involved to hope for a loss, but I certainly didn't get flabby on this trip despite the hours in the car.

p.s., by hours, I especially mean the rush hour traffic around Seattle all the way down through Tacoma that really sucked and made me remember how paltry our rush hour is in terms of time and intensity. I really don't think I could live in an area where I'd waste so much time sitting in a car to or from my employment.

Winding Down

I don't know if it's the vacation mode finally setting in, but yesterday wasn't the best food-wise or exercise-wise An ice cream cone and bag of white popcorn, a movie, walking around Victoria in the rain and so not particularly active. Today, over to Orcas and walking in Moran State Park and Mt. Constitution. Tomorrow, hopefully, kayaking. Heading back on Thursday. My clothes are somewhat loose but I'm afraid that's due more to worn clothes than lost weight. We'll see when I get home, but I'm promising myself today and tomorrow is about activity and eating well. We'll see . . . .

Counteracting the good food

Catching up on activities during the first part of my vacation--can't list them where I usually do as my iPad is a bit funky for certain kinds of sites.

My friend Robbin was a wonderful hostess along with her hubby Pete, which included two nights out to eat--one to a great pizza place where I've gotten hooked on taco pizza (tastes even better than it sounds) and another to an equally great Mexican restaurant. Needless to say, I was glad Robbin corralled me into the long challenging walks we took. Hard to believe, but Oregon is even hillier than Cincinnati (oh yeah, there are those mountains in OR). Three walks in three days.

On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I got my fill of hikes--on beaches, on trails, to lighthouses, on more beaches, in town, along the OR and WA coast (great beaches, including Rockaway and Ruby) in Olympic National Park and a fantastic rain forest, and in Victoria B.C. I am officially tired. I am so tired that it is 8:20 p.m. and I am staying in my room, deciding what to do tomorrow and Tuesday, and then heading to bed. I've been up since 6:00 a.m. when I went for a run/walk in downtown Victoria. That and ambling around a castle (complete with Rockwood tiles around the fireplace) and the grounds have me ready for a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow it's Buchart Gardens (more walking), the ride to San Juan Island, and then two days on Orcas where I hope to do some kayaking. I will be very ready to head toward Portland on Thursday. I will need a vacation from my vacation.

I have no idea what my weight is and I'm not sure I want to know. I've tried to eat well and have kept drinking and carousing to a minimum (that's willpower + the lack of opportunity). I'm looking forward to my weekly walks with the HHC!

I can post!

Finally! I couldn't post earlier until I updated the editor at blogger. And now, I realize, I have nothing to say. Hah! I do plan to blog along the way; it is Vacation Day #1 and I am in the air somewhere between Salt Lake City and Portland. Weighed myself this a.m. and was off to a grand start, the needle finally moving. Let's see if I can keep it down after ten days . . .

Incorporating Life

In two days, I'm off for the northwest--Oregon, Washington, B.C. Temps on Victoria get down into the upper 40s in the evening. I'll be doing a fair amount of driving. So how to plan exercise? How to plan eating well? After thinking I might just get there and "wing it," I realized I wasn't up for that. Ferries get booked ahead of time (I checked; they do) and I have reservations on the islands. I have to be sure I get to where I am reserved to be. Hotels exist, but they are expensive and the less expensive seem to fill quickly. So I want to be flexible but not panicked that I will be somewhere I don't want to be paying more than I want to pay, or unable to get where I want to go. And so I have planned most nights and will show up when I need to. That much structure helps me feel less anxious--it's the in-between that's still up in the air.

I'll bring a swimsuit and something I can go kayaking in; I'll bring running wear; I'll bring something I can hike in. I also have to bring "dress up" stuff just in case. In other words, I won't exactly be packing light. But I want to be able to keep active and not have this turn into a driving and eating vacation. Ten days of that just won't cut it. I'm already at a major plateau, I can keep working at it and hope that when I return I'll be another pound lighter or at worst that I won't have lost--or gained--anything, or I can give up and come back a few pounds heavier. The latter is not an option right now. I can't let it be. I have worked hard enough at this that I'm determined I won't lose momentum.

So I need to welcome life and figure out how to live while incorporating very new habits. I guess it's like anything else--one step at a time . . . .

The Journey

I'm hoping that willpower is also habit. I am feeling less interested in exercising, but I'm starting to feel strange if I don't do it. I wake wondering which exercise I'll do that day, so it's on my mind--I'm not likely to forget it. Right now, that's coming mainly from fear: I'm feeling a lot stronger and looking more like my old self that I am afraid to drop the vigilance. Another six weeks of this before school starts and this should be even more ingrained. So if I tumble out of bed and head straight to my espresso machine to make my latte, maybe it will automatically be followed by exercise (then or later that day). No willing myself to do it, just doing it 'cause that's what I do.

The trick now is to keep telling myself this is going to make a difference. My weight has stabilized. I must be gaining muscle which is off-setting some fat loss, and with the heat probably retaining water--these things I keep telling myself so I know I'm still changing in a positive way. On the other hand, I still have 15 pounds to lose!!! I also have to tell myself that it took five months to lose the first 5 pounds, and then only 6 weeks to lose the next 5 because of due diligence. Ergo, six more weeks, 5 more pounds. Right? Why don't I believe this? Or am I just getting tired :(

I think more than anything I just plain ol' don't want this to take so long and be so difficult. I know that, despite what I tell myself I realize, I'm not seeing the process as being as useful as I, at times, know it is and appreciate it as being. I see it as the impediment to the goal. And to quote dear Maggy Lindgren, "it's the process, sister." All of life is the process. Must . . . appreciate . . . the journey . . . .

Must also see what dis-inspires. I realized before I'd have to vary up my weekly offerings if I'm to stay interested, so tomorrow a.m. I need to take my bike to Trek to get them to fix it up and start including biking in the mix. Next month, it's Rhythm and Motion just down the street. Recognizing the need to avoid the pitfalls along the journey is just as important as plodding along.

Willpower

What the f*** is the will anyway? My mind and body are in agreement that I need to lose weight, so what part is it that, at some points, wants to just throw in the towel and go lie down for a long, long nap?

Part is overcoming memory of past defeats--I've tried losing weight before, gotten even lower than I am now, and just slid back. Part is the frustrating contradictions or intransigence of my body. Still exercising, not eating much differently each day, and my weight continues to fluctuate by 2-3 pounds. Do I feel better? Yes. Do I feel stronger? Yes. Do I get pissed off that my scale doesn't show that I'm losing weight? YES. Ah, those numbers. They do have a hold on me.

And then there's the psychological defeats or sense of what I don't have that propels me to want to say, so who cares. Not a good idea, but sometimes those, too (or mostly?), play a role.

Will = positive attitude in large part, at least for me. Positive that change can occur. Positive that when that change occurs, that it will be worth the effort because of the positives that come with that change. Positive that even the effort is a good thing, despite (or perhaps because of?) how long it takes for the goal to be achieved. And perhaps a rethinking that the goal is the process as well as the end result. Oooh. Gotta stay with that one awhile . . . .

As they say, where there's a will, there's a way. May the will be with me to see the way.

Losses

Shortly after the last entry, I found out a member of the HHC lost her father when he passed away shortly before his son's wedding. My heart goes out to Lisa and her family. The small setbacks of life seem to pale at moments like this.

Update on Temptation

Well, not eating much didn't last long. Yesterday, our last full day (and, more importantly, last opportunity for dinner) in Boston I had a great dinner and completely overindulged--luckily, it was mostly with seafood, so I'm not sure I'm terribly in the hole. Today, however, I succumbed to a good humor bar just ten minutes ago, which seems scandalous--ice cream before noon? Tsk! I'm wondering if it's the break in habit, or if I am running off a lot of calories hoofing it around Boston in the heat even when I don't exercise, or if it matters that I'm not on my multiple small meals a day kind of diet. I hope returning to my normal eating habits won't be too difficult starting tonight. The flight is overbooked, however, so we'll see when I return to Cinti. With the departure gate being surrounded by Wendy's and a Chicken sandwich place, this does not bode well.

Avoiding Temptation

I don't know what it is--a mini-miracle, perhaps. I've been in Boston, home to good food and even better beer, and I'm, like, eh! I feel a little sorry that I'm not indulging, and I'm sure it's more the heat than my willpower, but I'm just not into eating a lot these days. Breakfast was one of those funky cookies you only get on airplanes--never saw them before, will probably never see them again (unless it's on my flight home). Lunch was a make-it-yourself salad at a deli where I was able to eat by the window and watch the Bostonians pass by. Dinner at the AAUP opening reception was very delish, but I had all of one glass of chardonnay, baked scrod, one little crab cake (really, about the size of a quarter on steroids), two small wedges of potato, and a salad--the salad was very yummy, with field greens, dried blueberries (which I hadn't had before, but I'll have to find--not really "dry," more like regular blueberries, but chewy), and goat cheese--no dressing because the goat cheese was so creamy it seemed satisfying enough. Yum!! I even passed up the clam chowder, which Greg will chide me about, and no dessert--looked tasty, but, eh!

I think if I had to start cutting back on my food, summer really is the time. Heat and stuffing yourself just doesn't go together. I would love more of this New England fish, and I will, actually, as we go to the aquarium tomorrow, yum ;)

SWEAT!!!

Okay, when the heat index is predicted to be 104, reminder to self: don't wait till 9:30 a.m. to run!!! It is too late!! Walked 15, ran 15, walked 10, ran 10, walked 4 and then decided to sit down next to a waterfall. About 2 minutes later checked my heart rate and it was at 210 or over--and that's after a 2 minute rest!!. Yikes! My maximum heart rate is 166. Good news is that 3 minutes later, it had fallen to 120, but I decided to walk, somewhat briskly, the following 20 minutes. After about 10-15, my heart rate had gone back up to 170, so as one of my walking partners, Lisa, said, heat really does increase the heart rate. She was a font of information when we walked the other day, explaining how to figure target heart rates, how different rates mean you're burning fat (lower) or building muscle (when you're at the higher rate), and how heat can play a big role. Found that out and need to watch this a bit more during the hottest days and go out earlier. Bound for Boston tomorrow and will run Fri/Sat/Sun and plan to get up around 5 to do so. Tomorrow's heat index predicted at 114!!!! Good news--pre and post run weigh-in showed a 2 pound difference!!! Gotta love that water loss (and that's drinking a 12 oz bottle of water!)

WebMD is one of many sites to calculate target heart rate for you (or consider maximum 220 - your age). http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/healthtool-target-heart-rate-calculator

Pounds, Pessimism, and Persistance

The first of the title seems all too intractable at times, the second all too easily rears its head, and the third is what I'm working on, hard.

It seems like many weeks and lots of sweat into my exercise and diet regime, I see-saw like a little girl and right now I'm stuck back on top and the big bad bully won't let me down. The thing is, the big bad bully who weighs more than me IS me--it's the real me with the weight I have that I don't want to be. I want to be the little skinny girl on top--feather-weight, svelte, out-weighed at every turn. Trouble is, that's not the picture that's going to help me in the long run.

The one with strength and flexibility who's going to outlast and out-muscle the heavy me is the one I want to be and should aim to be like. I am convinced somewhere in my "there is justice out there" soul, that if I keep on my getting fit routine, the weight will eventually come off.

Why is this an issue right now? I went down to see friends in KY and ate poorly--too many simple carbs and not enough veggies and fruit and complex grains; I even had the first low-blood sugar episode that I've had in months and months. Some of it was bad choices on my part where I could have opted for something better--so a heads up for me in the trip that's ahead of me to Boston later this week.

I also didn't exercise for two days. (The me that wasn't exercising at all for awhile is like, what? who cares?; the me who has been exercising regularly feels like a slug.) This is one of those whether-I-like-it-or-not ideas: regardless of my preference, I MUST EXERCISE. No excuses. Period. It's got to be fit into the day, and I have to get back to more cardio. Which means seeking more out because running all the time may not be the friendliest option for my knees; I have to get my bike in shape, I have to try the dance options nearby (Rhythm and Motion), and I have to use the tapes I do have, which are really pretty good and provide a good workout. The balance with strength training is also crucial--they ARE helping to trim and tone--I can feel their effect and I feel stronger when I run because of them. But cardio is what will help me drop pounds, too, so maybe it's cardio + strength, not one or the other on a particular day.

Now that I'm back, the scale is not telling me what I want to see. Back up almost three pounds. My body doesn't feel less trim, so what it is, I'm not sure--a woman's body is a mysterious thing with monthly fluctuations that can suck you under quicker than a strong tide--but I would prefer to embrace the changes than fight against them and definitely rather than get depressed by them, which is how I woke this morning. Er. Afternoon. Stayed up until past 2 a.m., was woken early by neighbors and my own cat around 7, fed said cat and went back to bed, had weird ex-husband and house dreams, and slept in until 1 p.m. Typically, I think of 8 a.m. as "late."

Journaling helps, which is what I consider this since no one will ever see it. Ah, the pleasures of being one among many (thousands? hundreds of thousands? millions?) who blog.

No, it's not eat, pray, love, it's eat, work on goals, reassess, self-talk, work toward balance, embrace friends, pull oneself up by the hand--gently but firmly, and on and on.

Keep on keepin' on. As for the T- listings, I've decided I'm not going to record every fluctuation back up, telling myself this is momentary water gain or the moon pulling at who knows what. But the next downturn just may be a bit longer in coming--so be it. It will come. If I take care of my body, it will come. Ohmmmmmmmmmm.

Habits

I'm in the habit of making a latte for myself when I wake up in the morning. I'm in the habit of cleaning up my bathroom and making my bed before I leave every day. I'm in the habit of showering in a particular way and using certain products in my hair. I'm almost in the habit of using sunscreen every day. Etc., etc. So how do I get in the habit of exercise EVERY DAY in the same way that won't change because I get busy with school, or my schedule changes, or . . . .

My Goal: keep exercising after my ten week fitness regime is up. Keep eating well. Keep the weight off!! The weight I'm assuming I'll lose, that is ;)

Friends and Family

I exercise alone quite a bit of the time--videos, dancing to Glee, exercises I know to do regularly, running, walking, and on and on. It's been great to be encouraged by friends to get out on a regular basis--hence the group walk that crops up in my exercise schedule. Three other women and colleagues of mine to walk and talk with and coffee-klatch with afterward. Of course, I want to keep up and I want to stay in shape, and I am encouraged by hearing how they are exercising, and eating, and otherwise staying eager to meet again the next week. Hearing about problems and pasts and the general ups and downs is also strangely heartening--we're all making it, and we're not all that different in many ways. We support each other, care about each other, look forward to the next walk in a new location, just to keep things interesting. One of the best perks of the exercise routine. Thanks, HHC!

And for inspiration at a distance, my three sons, all of whom are working to keep fit. Starting with Geoff that means rock climing, bouldering, running, and biking. Greg got super fit with PX90 and has stayed fit in the hot Houston climate. Andrew also works out and is a bass player who probably sweats off ten pounds everytime he gets on stage. All seem to be trying to eat well, with Andrew becoming an "Accidental Vegetarian." Okay . . . . Whatever it takes! I've got a lot of respect for them to be as conscious of fitness at their age--go boys!!

On Eating

A colleague who was trying to lose weight said he just cut down on what he was eating. Hah! I thought (and perhaps said). I needed to count calories--which I did for awhile, and for me it was useful. It made me aware of what a reasonable amount of calories was for me--i.e., what reasonable meals were, what I couldn't have, what I needed to substitute (e.g.--more fruits and veggies for carbs, sweets, etc.), and so forth. His advice was, however, also good and useful. Instead of cooking up 1/2 a cup of oatmeal in the a.m., I cook up 1/3 cup. Instead of having "a little extra," I slow down and eat my portioned meal and really taste it, and just don't have any more.

I highly recommend more veggie options. I've been eating beans more and various greens, more fruit (I LUV white peaches!!--what a great time to be doing this, too, when all these lovely foods are fresh and delicious and I can freeze and can some, too!), more good things in general, and much less red meat.

I do still have eggs and fish, but I find I don't have much of a craving for meat or cheese. Somehow (most of the time) they seem too heavy--perhaps I'm more sensitive to fat? I found when I was first beginning to watch my sugar intake carefully after I realized I had low blood sugar, I became hyper-sensitive to the idea of sugar. It seemed downright unpleasant, and still does in some forms--regular soda, candy bars (usually, except the little ones around Halloween!), and even some fruit juices. Perhaps that's happening now with fat, which my body is thinking ain't such a good idea these days, at least not in the amounts I probably used to take them in.

I'll see if I can post some links to places I enjoy visiting for good food, and get back to making some yummy meals. Made some endamame salad which was great; gazpacho which I'll finish for lunch today, and salads of all sorts. Yum!

The Needle Moved!

For the first time, I went down a pound today, Saturday, 7/09. Wow. I wonder if partly that's the effect of going off the OTC meds that could have been making me retain water. I do feel much "harder"--trimming here and there, feeling better in clothes, etc. I sure don't feel the weight I'm at, so if the scale will eventually move to accommodate my brain, that'd be nice!

Okay: addendum. Took the plunge after the yoga conditioning today and stepped on the scale again, just to be sure I was down by 1; I'm now down by 3! The needle will eventually move if the work continues and the calories stay down. And yesterday, despite the temptation of Uno's deep dish pizza, I ordered an individual for Dad and me and our movie date, only had one out of six pieces (Dad had two!), and gave the remaining three to Andrew. And I was really not very tempted to eat more. Also ordered a caesar salad to supplement.

Found out from Andrew he's on a vegetarian diet, so I think this is more incentive to keep up the mainly veggie routine I've been following. Just have to learn my protein sources. But yay!

Epiphany

It's not all in my head. At least I've convinced my head that it's not. The Rheumatologist who'd been recommended to me isn't taking new patients. Okay, fine. I don't need one anyway. And then last night, after 45 minutes of conditioning exercises, my knees and elbows felt so full of fluid that I thought I could barely bend them. Today again, out for a run/walk, I come back and my knees feel like balloons. My head or my body? I'm opting for the latter.

Then I read that N-SAIDS--those non-steroidal anti-inflammatories I've been taking like Advil and Naproxin, can increase water retention. A vague memory that this happened before with another flare up of arthritis--I kept wondering if Naproxin in particular made me feel like a water balloon.

So I'm listening to my body. I've gone off my once daily Naproxin and will treat the pain with Tylenol if it comes back. I'm going to ice my knees after runs and see if I can lose some of the fluid that is almost as annoying (and more, sometimes) as the pain.

So let's recap: arthritis makes you ache which makes you not want to exercise. But you take drugs to help reduce the pain so you can exercise which you know is good for your body and may help keep the arthritis at bay. But the medication makes your joints feel so sluggish you don't want to exercise and so . . . .

All I know is I have to get in shape now and stay in shape so I'm not gaining ten more pounds through this vicious cycle and not being able to get that off, either.

Re-dedicate, re-new, refresh my goal: 20 pounds before the end of the year!!

Ignoring the non-moving needle on the scale

No matter how much I exercise and think I'm cutting back eating, I don't seem to be losing. I feel bloated and tight--my joints feel thick, especially my elbows and knees. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I don't feel like I'm losing any weight. Blah. How much of a diet/fitness routine is psychological. Saying f*** this and who cares if I never lose weight, only to keep on going so that eventually, the weight will be lost. There's so much doubt--what if there's a medical reason for my lack of ability to lose? What if I'm never going to lose this? What if . . . .

I'm so tired of being overweight that that's about the only thing that allows me to keep on going. I'm tired. Just tired.

I'm hoping tomorrow and the promised 63 degrees that it is supposed to fall to tonight will help in the morning as I plan to run/walk and feel good doing it . . . . if it kills me.

Exercise

It seems fitting to continue this blog for my newest adventure, which is to lose weight and get fit. I've gained almost twenty-five pounds in the last two years, and it's about time those pounds came off. Too many reasons: it's time to get past the reasons.

I'm at that age when I can blame my intransigent weight on pre-menopause, on slowing down, on whatever. But it still doesn't get the pounds off. So I've started an exercise regime and eating less and better. Here's where I'll record that to keep me motivated. Hopefully something more interesting than mere numbers will emerge. And if that's all that emerges, but I'm getting in shape, so be it.

Ideal Exercise Schedule for the next twelve weeks (until I start teaching again--then I'll have to reconsider what and when). To be modified as other things come up, new opportunities for exercises emerge, etc. GOAL: One hour minimum of exercise a day, with option for a day off.

Sunday: Long run/walk
Monday: Strength Training
Tuesday: Run (early); exercise tape of some kind later
Wednesday: Pilates (early); long group walk
Thursday: Strength Training
Friday: Run (early); yoga
Saturday: Day "off" (& housework)

So far worked out last two weeks doing about five of these nine in each week (last two weeks in June). I'll keep an exercise diary posted to keep myself honest. It's amazing how I can go days without exercising, but once I'm in the grove, it feels wrong to miss even one day. I think even on my day "off" I'll have to do some mild exercises just to feel like I'm not turning back into a lump.

One big plus: I am starting to feel more energized; last week I felt like a slug and every exercise was a chore to get myself to complete. I try to find a reason: arthritis a factor? is it my age? blah, blah. IT'S BECAUSE I'M CARRYING AROUND 20 EXTRA POUNDS AND HAVEN'T EXERCISED THIS MUCH IN MONTHS!!. Yikes.

So what I have to admit is I have to work up to the ability to really go full tilt. It will take me awhile to lose the weight. I will have to earn the thin, fit, and strong body I want back. I've had it! I want it back!!

Here's to momentum . . . .