The Journey

I'm hoping that willpower is also habit. I am feeling less interested in exercising, but I'm starting to feel strange if I don't do it. I wake wondering which exercise I'll do that day, so it's on my mind--I'm not likely to forget it. Right now, that's coming mainly from fear: I'm feeling a lot stronger and looking more like my old self that I am afraid to drop the vigilance. Another six weeks of this before school starts and this should be even more ingrained. So if I tumble out of bed and head straight to my espresso machine to make my latte, maybe it will automatically be followed by exercise (then or later that day). No willing myself to do it, just doing it 'cause that's what I do.

The trick now is to keep telling myself this is going to make a difference. My weight has stabilized. I must be gaining muscle which is off-setting some fat loss, and with the heat probably retaining water--these things I keep telling myself so I know I'm still changing in a positive way. On the other hand, I still have 15 pounds to lose!!! I also have to tell myself that it took five months to lose the first 5 pounds, and then only 6 weeks to lose the next 5 because of due diligence. Ergo, six more weeks, 5 more pounds. Right? Why don't I believe this? Or am I just getting tired :(

I think more than anything I just plain ol' don't want this to take so long and be so difficult. I know that, despite what I tell myself I realize, I'm not seeing the process as being as useful as I, at times, know it is and appreciate it as being. I see it as the impediment to the goal. And to quote dear Maggy Lindgren, "it's the process, sister." All of life is the process. Must . . . appreciate . . . the journey . . . .

Must also see what dis-inspires. I realized before I'd have to vary up my weekly offerings if I'm to stay interested, so tomorrow a.m. I need to take my bike to Trek to get them to fix it up and start including biking in the mix. Next month, it's Rhythm and Motion just down the street. Recognizing the need to avoid the pitfalls along the journey is just as important as plodding along.